....So there I was, watching the Open yesterday (or British Open Golf Championships for those who prefer Sex and the City). Tiger Woods eh? what can you say? apart from it's a stupid place to go for a picnic. Ithankyow.
Sorry, I'm flying off at a bit of a tangent here. So there I was watching the Open yesterday when I get a phone call from someone I know who's actually bothered to look at this website. Thanks mum. Anyway she drew my attention to the fact that there was a rather glaring omission from all of my non-sensical ramblings. Obviously the whole raison d'etre of this project and indeed this website, is that it was conceived as a challenge. A bet if you will.
Forgive me for my staccato style now but I want to briefly run through the terms of the challenge just one last time. My friend Michael says celebrities won't give me the time of day. I am writing to 500 of them to ask them to meet me for 2 minutes. He believes that no more than 100 will meet me in a 6 month period. If I beat this figure, he undertakes forfeits, If I don't, I have to do them.
So here they are, and just to point out that they are cumulative.....
THE FORFEITS
Number of Individuals met Forfeit
350 + Michael undertakes forfeits 1-7 (see below)
275-349 Michael undertakes forfeits 1-6
220-374 Michael undertakes forfeits 1-5
180-219 Michael undertakes forfeits 1-4
150-179 Michael undertakes forfeits 1-3
125-149 Michael undertakes forfeits 1&2
100-124 Michael undertakes forfeit 1
75-99 Jules undertakes forfeit 1
55-74 Jules undertakes forfeit 1&2
40-54 Jules undertakes forfeit 1-3
30-39 Jules undertakes forfeit 1-4
20-29 Jules undertakes forfeit 1-5
10-19 Jules undertakes forfeit 1-6
0-9 Jules undertakes forfeit 1-7
Forfeit 1 - To purchase for the other party, Sky Sports Football Season Ticket from termination of challenge until end of the 2005-2006 Football Season.
Forfeit 2 - To clean the flat of the other party once every 2 weeks for 1 year.
Forfeit 3 - To stand at Oxford Circus for one 8-hour period holding a placard and bucket and asking people to donate to the RNIB.
Forfeit 4 - To help a rural vet in checking on a cow's pregnancy situation (by sticking arm up rectum of said cow).
Forfeit 5 - Michael to walk across hot coals, Julian to conquer vertigo by riding UK's largest roller coaster.
Forfeit 6 - To run next year's London Marathon (collecting for RNIB)
Forfeit 7 - To swim naked off Brighton beach twice a week during month of February.
This agreement has been signed and witnessed and is legally binding.
So there you have it. Neither of us are expecting to have to do the naked swimming thing, which, with bodies such as ours (ie at either end of the Body Mass Index scale), will no doubt be a blessed relief to the inhabitants of Brighton. For Michael think hippo which has rolled into a vat of honey and then a vat of hair, as for me, if I was any paler I'd be translucent and in addition, as another good friend mentions to me every time I wear shorts, "that reminds me, I must get those pipe-cleaners fixed."
Right the sun is once again shining on London so I'm off to play golf myself now. Not very well mind, as I have all the co-ordination of a hung-over millipede on roller skates. In fact in a recent golf lesson my teacher said to me, and I quote, "I can see the problem. You're standing too close to the ball......after you've hit it."
