One of my friends has taken to calling me 'Mr Spam' because I recently prepared a meal of corned beef in front of him. I, for one, don't believe that eating this kind of food should be the sole preserve of the over-80's or of people who still use tea cosies.
I'm a staunch advocate of tinned meat products. You can make a lovely meal with corned beef, just chop up a couple of onions, dice them with some beautiful spuds and the beef and then <bosh> you've got a lovely jubbly feast. Pukka !
Well you may think I'm again flying off an angle of 90degrees to the parabola but I only mention this because I just noticed the 'spam' folder of my email homepage.
I've been receiving a stack of emails every day, but I am still trying to reply to every one, although I now notice that I've inadvertently missed a few that have been delivered to the 'spam' section (possibly just in front of the wind section).
I realise this because I just deleted one whose subject title was "there's no-need to feel self-conscious about...." which I assumed was from a company offering genital enlargement but may easily have been from some kind soul concerned about my constant whining references to how unphotogenic I am. So if I've failed to reply to anyone, sorry.
Getting from Wandsworth to Sidcup is not easy.
You need to be both a navigator of World Rally Driving standard and also ambidextrous (to turn the pages of the A-to-Z). I went the Tooting-Streatheam-Norbury-Thornton Heath-Elmers End-Beckenham-Bromley-Chiselhurst route, but there's probably a quicker route.
The journey was relatively uneventful. I do, though, remember passing Bird in Hand Lane near Bickley, which I thought quite appropriate as I had two (meetings) in the bush yesterday.
I also happened to pass extremely close to the home of an ex of mine, Clare with fair hair, who hailed from Bromley. It wasn't a problem, there's no restraining order or anything but I decided not to pop in and say "Hi!" to her parents anyway.
Lovely girl Clare, although I guess I threw a minor spanner into the works when I told her on what I believe was our third date "...y'know this relationship is ultimately doomed. We may as well just carry on seeing each other till we find someone else."
She did before me.
As I approached Sidcup, I phoned Gary who suggested that I pop round to his home, so he joins Sir Patrick Moore, Sir Tim Rice and Lord Archer on a new list of 'famous people's homes I've been in', (not including Scarlett Johansson's, as she wasn't aware of it).
Gary's pretty companion took the photo, I'm not sure why I was directed to stand in that particular spot, possibly because the colour of the wallpaper masked my sickly pale complexion, possibly because Gary wanted his shield in the shot, but after the photo, I was kindly given a signed copy of his book, before I briefly discussed the whole mission with the two of them.
I then let my host get back to watching Eastenders, but not before he'd given me directions up to the Blackwall Tunnell. Having said that, I might as well have walked home, as there was a traffic jam of hugely impressive proportions on the A20 by the Longlands Flamingo Park.
Total time spent in a car yesterday - 3 hours 14 minutes. Distance travelled - about 30 miles.