Well, to be a bit more truthful, I've been told that when I sing I have the voice of angel that's got numerous pollyps on it's vocal chords and has been gargling crushed glass.
You get the idea. In other words, the karaoke bar I go to has been keeping the local glazing company in business for years.
Lesley Garrett HAS got an amazing voice. Not surprising then, that she's the premier opera singer in the country. Anyway she kindly phoned me yesterday afternoon while I was trying to fix my chair at work (it won't recline to the sleeping position) and mentioned that if I was to turn up at the Classic FM studios before her show this afternoon, she'd be happy to meet me.
So there I was in the foyer of the studios earlier today, Speaking to Frank who works at reception.
"D'you want to make your way up to their offices on the 6th floor and grab a cup of tea?" he said.
"Well I'm not sure whether I'm meant to wait for Lesley here or up there."
"Look do me a favour and go upstairs will you. I don't want to get in trouble for leaving Lesley's guest sitting down here in the cold," he said with a smile.
Up on the 6th floor I walked into an oasis of tranquility in the middle of the rat race that is Oxford Circus. Beautiful view, classical music being played (obviously), Lovely furnishings. I wouldn't mind living there actually.
They even had a piano and a modern open-plan kitchen by the waiting area, all chrome and pine if I remember, with bowls of fruit and pieces of cake on a plate for people to grab.
After a brief wait, Lesley appeared and strode over beaming.
"Thank you so much for agreeing to this," I said, which has been my opening gambit ever since my very first 'greetings'.
First things first, the gifts were handed over for the RNIB auction and it was more amazing stuff. A unique signed t-shirt which Lesley wore when she ran part of the baton relay for the Commonwealth Games the other year. She was runner number 087 as you can see here. Really very sweet of her to give me this, I thought, because it must have a special meaning for her.
"How far did you have to run?" I enquired.
"Oh about half a mile," she replied nonchalantly.
"Goodness. I'd never have been able to do that. I have trouble running a bath."
Well if that wasn't enough, I was also given a signed copy of Classic FM magazine with Lesley's photo on the front and if THAT wasn't enough, the magazine has a free cd attached to it- The Best Recordings of 2005.
I'm looking at it now. The CD includes Bach's keyboard Concerto No.3, Allegri's Miserere, Schubert's Trout Quintet and Timmy Mallet's itsybitsyteenyweeny yellow polka-dot bikini (joke).
The photo at the top was taken by Suzi at reception and as you can see, I got another hug which is starting to become quite a perk of all of this.
Once taken, Suzi looked at it and said "you know, you're really photogenic" to Lesley, and "no offence to you," to me. Oh well, I've promised not to say anything more about my face looking like a spanked bum, so I won't.
Only other thing to add- 2 more greetings locked in. Journalist Gary Bushell and DJ Toby Anstis next tuesday, so what with Ainsley Harriott as well, it's going to be a busy day.