No not really, and it's not a case of 'bah humbug' but it's surely the most overrated night one could spend in the company of drunken idiots. Does anyone actually enjoy getting crushed to death in a pub and spending the final 3 hours of 2005 queueing up for a white wine spritzer?
If that's not enough, come midnight we're forced to stand in a circle holding hands with complete strangers and sing ancient Scottish songs as if it were some sort of Glaswegian Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
I was in some dump in Notting Hill.
At one stage I thought my luck was in. One of the attractive female members of our little group-ette, a young lady who I'd met for the first time that evening, was standing at the bar holding her slippery nipples and smiling at me.
Why she needed two of these Bailey's and Sambuca-based cocktails I couldn't say, maybe to help her get through the evening in the company of dullards such as yours cynically, but anyway I walked over and tried to engage the lush in conversation. To be honest, my opening gambit could have been better.
Come to think of it, it couldn't have really have been worse. "Would you like to try some Slippery Nipple?" she said. "Maybe later, but could I have some of your drink?" and I swear she walked straight off without once looking back. Not even in anger.
So it appears that what I mistook for a smile was probably just Rachel trying to expel some wind and that this wasn't set to be a match made in heaven, more like some shabby patchwork quilt darned in hell by Satan's own fiery hand.
How ironic then, that after all of this breast talk it was me who was left standing at the bar feeling a t*t.
Anyway enough of such nonsense, I want to discuss the finest footballer in this country. And I don't even support Man U.
Wayne Rooney. Roonaldo. The Wayne-ster. I'm sure he had a more enjoyable new year's eve than me in the company of Coleen, and I must thank an unidentifiable individual at Proactive Sports Management Ltd whose signature I couldn't decipher.
The young prodigy does of course play for Manchester United (unlike my friend Michael who plays for Dyslexics Un-tied) and he must be in huge popular demand. Im very impressed therefore, that his agents were able to get back to me so promptly.
Alas, a meeting with Wayne is not possible because, as squiggle wrote: "Due to the massive amount of requests Wayne receives, it has been decided that he should dedicate his time visiting chosen charities in Manchester....and it has not been possible to facilitate your request on this occasion."
For my part, I completely understand and am once again simply happy to have got a response. It's very kind of them considering how busy they must be trying to organise all of the young starlets activities.
After all, how could I possibly be upset with the man who's going to fire us to World Cup victory this year. No pressure.