Greeting the 500

Day 73 - Reply (D.Gorman)

First of all, many thanks once again to the hundreds of you that are reading my website every day (albeit not quite so many on a Sunday, but I suppose that is the nature of hangovers). I continue to be astounded at the massive interest that people have in my vacuous observations and this "petty challenge", as a friend of mine called it last night. I am also most grateful for all of the emails of support that I am receiving nearly every day.

Many of the people who have been looking at this website since I started it, will now be most familiar with the name Dave Gorman, an author and stand-up comedian.

I have frequently made reference to him here, since despite having been totally unfamiliar with his work at the inception of my project, having now been told so many times by others that "what you're doing is the sort of thing that Dave Gorman might do", I have done my research on him and his quirky experiments and presently regard him as some sort of spiritual leader. 

For anyone who is not familiar with what he has done, this is what Wikipedia has to say about him. (For the computer illiterate and my mother, click on the word 'Wikipedia' above).

(Click means press the button on the mouse.....The thing you're pushing around the table).

I was thus particularly keen to 'greet' Dave, yet unfortunately the email that I recently received from Hannah, his kindly agent, read:

"Thank you for your letter for Dave Gorman. Unfortunately Dave has just started a 6 month tour in the States and so will be unable to help with this project.   
However, best of luck with everything..."

Talk about "Gutted from Ilford". I can't think of anyone more appropriate to have met for my challenge (apart perhaps from Tony Hawks, who has already been kind enough to meet me). I get the impression that had he been here, he would have been up for it but obviously the small matter of 3,360 miles of water between us is an insurmountable problem since I am not only heavily in debt, but also a weak swimmer.

Oh well, that's how the chocolate hob-nobs are crushed into small fragments. Think about it.

Incidentally, I have absolutely no desire to turn Greeting the 500 into a stage show.

Day 75 - Reply (G. Lineker)

Not that I'm practicing for my Oscar acceptance speech or anything, but I'd like to thank:

1) X-Fm DJ James Hyman for allowing me to appear on his show last Friday night to plug this project.

2) I'd like to thank Irene, a Greco/Anglo journalist, for being sufficiently interested in it to write a piece about it for Eleftheria Newspaper.

3) I'd like to thank Matt Eley at the Hampstead and Highgate Express for updating his publication almost weekly now with details of my progess. (Although the inhabitants of NW3 are probably bored rigid of hearing about it now)

4) But most of all I'd like to thank GARY LINEKER for being the latest individual from my list to agree to my request for a meeting.

It seems a bit of a shame that I didn't confine my original list of 500 people to just politicians and Match of the Day employees, as I've had an amazing response from this small sub-set.

Well what can I say, I'm both honoured and delighted that the footballer who's scored the most goals ever for the England national side (although correct me if I'm wrong on that) and a man who I used to watch in awe from the Paxton Stand as he slotted goals in week after week, has kept a few minutes spare on October 22nd in order to help me out. I have a feeling that Motty (who was kind enough to meet me a few weeks ago), may have had something to do with this, and may have had a word in Gary's ear. No jokes there.

So thank you so much Mr Lineker. For my part I will ensure that Michael continues to almost single-handedly keep Walkers Crisps in business. For example, he actually had 6 bags in one sitting last week. Fact.

Finally an answer to a theme that keeps cropping up in emails sent to me by people who read this site. Some individuals seem confused about certain words, phrases or anecdotes I use in my updates eg. lines 1 and 2 from the post titled "ashes to ashes" (hurrah about the cricket by the way). Well bear this in mind, if what you are reading makes little sense, it is more often than not a line from a song. You see I often listen to my Ipod at work as I am updating this and from time to time the odd lyric might seep into my scribblings.

After all, as Shakespeare once said, "If music be the food of love, give me a portion of Debbie Harry with chips please."

Day 76 - Little Britain, Small World

What a shame that I don't own a digital camera of my own and that I am reliant on Michael for his Pentax Xd 46 auto-focus.

I took yesterday off work so that I could get more of my letters sent out, (and to buy an iron and to get into a slanging match with my bank manager), and as I was strolling through Belsize Park I saw Matt Lucas apologising to a cab driver on England's Lane, whilst carrying heavy baggage and Robert Pires parking his car In a disabled space in Belsize village (maybe that's why Arsenal are struggling), all within the space of 45 minutes.

I am not crowing about seeing these two men swanning around. You don't have to be eagle-eyed to spot celebrities in this area of London. But I hope that this might highlight the origins of my bet with Michael and how our initial discussion about the accessibility of celebrities came about whilst we were we down at The Crown in Cricklewood a couple of months ago.

Day 77 - Reply (K.Humble)

Having just read the latest comment in the left hand column, I endorse the view that astronomer Patrick Moore was indeed a 'star' for meeting me. Thanks Paul, but I'll do the jokes here if you don't mind.

I am now almost exactly one third of the way through this project. If my celebrity meetings, both those carried out and those in the pipeline, carry on at a similar rate, I can hope to have achieved about 30 by the time this all ends on January 14th, and hopefully I will have amassed a right little Santa's stocking of items to be auctioned off for the RNIB, which makes me very happy to think about.

I have also finally received my first response from one of the females on my list.

Endemol kindly passed my letter on to the agent of BBC science and nature presenter Kate Humble, who Michael (the issuer of my bet and compiler of this list) is quite familiar with, since his waking-up time tends to co-incide with the daily airing of Animal Park (BBC1 mid-afternoon), where Kate and her male co-presenter Ben Fogle, catch up with the goings-on at Longleat Safari Park.

Well cutting to the chase, Kate's agent Katie regretted to inform me that a meeting would not be possible since her client had an incredibly busy schedule and would be filming abroad over the next few months.

And more importantly, as Michael predicted the other day, she had seen my photograph on this website and had baulked at the idea of coming into close proximity with me.

Actually that last bit isn't true. But nevertheless, I appear to have once again been stymied by overseas travel.

I include in this post two pictures, one of a snow leopard, an endagered species, which is meant to symbolise wildlife and the fragile nature and state of flux that exists in many of the precious ecosystems of our planet, and the other is of Scarlett Johansson, because she has a pretty mouth.

Day 80 - Reply (F. Skinner)

Leafing through my Kate Moss-filled Sunday newspapers, I couldn't help but sympathise with the 500 people on my list who must all lead their life in the gaze of the public to such a massive extent.

Imagine never being able to nip to the cornershop on a sunday morning dressed like Coco the Clown after he's rummaged around a car-boot sale in Alperton. Or never being able to swear at a traffic warden (although in no way touch them as that is very much illegal - Section 20 Offences Against the Person Act 1861).

If Frank Skinner were to walk to his cornershop that way attired on a sunday morning, I may well spot him from my bathroom window, as his local cornershop is also my local cornershop. Or to give it it's full name HAVERSTOCK MARKET - Foods - Off-licence - Grocery - Open 7 Days.   

Yes, of all the individuals from my list, Frank would have been the easiest to meet since he lives the closest of any them to me, at the end of my road in fact. Unless of course Eddy the Eagle has taken up residence in the library on the corner.

However, that is neither here nor there since in a letter received yesterday from Jon at Avalon Management Group:

"Unfortunately Frank is unable to help you on this occasion but he sends his best wishes......"

Meanwhile, like Kate Moss's boyfriend I'm thinking about starting my own pop-group. I'm calling it Myproject'sa shambles.

Day 81 - Reply (D.Gower)

You see this is how it was meant to work. Motty is kind enough to meet me a couple of weeks ago. He possibly mentions the strange pasty-faced guy he shook hands with, to Gary Lineker who generously spares me some of his time. Gary then gives the nod to David Gower, who does likewise. Perhaps Rory McGrath or Johnathon Ross next, who knows?

Neither can I underestimate the role played by Diana, the agent to both Gary and David, who may well  have pulled some strings herself. Thanks so much.

I Just thought at this point that I'd mention a completely true story, because I know that a certain friend of mine is amongst the 1000 or so people per day who look at this site, and she also is very interested in analysing dreams.....

It's just gone 11.20 monday morning and I have been in work no more than 10 minutes. I was still asleep only 90 minutes ago, and was disturbed by this really vivid dream where I was standing by the lake in Kenwood House minding my own business, when a duck with a really sharply chiselled beak and white pupils flew out of the water and started to go beserk and attack me. I woke up, heart pounding, to find that my pillow had ripped and my bedroom had a new carpet of feathers. Weird, no?

I made it into work though, and in between the email confirming my booking for the speed-dating event and the email trying to sell me a cruise, I spotted one whose subject simply read "David Gower". I believe it was actually penned, or fingered I guess, by the cricket legend himself.

He mentioned that he would be in town this thursday and suggested an appropriate meeting place. What a complete and utter gent !

Finally further to another email I received from a girl/lady? called Amy, yes the clown in the post below is from Stephen King's film IT (though I shall probably be sued by Miramax now for admitting that), and yes it was a terrifying film.

Day 81 - Reply (B.Kenwright)

If I had any views about the frequently made comment that Scousers (and for anyone looking at this website from aborad, that means people from Liverpool), being the friendliest citizens of the UK, then theatre impresario and Chairman of Everton Football Club Bill Kenwright, removed any shred of doubts I might had.

Having just returned to my desk from lunch, £4.00 all-you-can-eat chinese takeaway in hand, my mobile phone rang.

"Hello is that Julian, the mad person who wrote to me?" chuckled Bill, and indeed, for the first 30 seconds of our conversation, I did have to persuade him that I wasn't actually clinically insane.

In fact Bill, spent most of the conversation chuckling, as I briefed him on what I was doing, who had replied to me and how it was all going. He cordially invited me to contact his PA Emma to arrange a date to meet him before wishing me luck. I, in return, wished his team luck for tonight's match against Arsenal. I fear they may need it.

What an unbelievably genial man.

I've now almost entirely forgotten about the blazing row I had with my mother half an hour ago about the shopping expedition to Brent Cross. Right, my Egg Foo Yung's getting cold........

Day 82 - Reply (C.Booth)

"Well that's good," I thought to myself when I left work yesterday. It's almost two weeks since I met Patrick Moore, there's been a worrying little hiatus in my progress, and then three meetings arranged in one day.

You see I forgot to mention, largely because for much of yesterday evening I was in a state of complete shock, that I've been invited to Number 10 Downing Street next month to meet Cherie Booth/Blair.

So from waking up yesterday with loads of feathers scattered around my bedroom floor, I went to bed with a one in my cap.

Yes, at about 3.30 yesterday afternoon as I was web-surfing at work, educating myself about 'Samuel Taylor Coleridge', the 'Country of Namibia' and 'People who were Born in 1971' on Wikipedia, The delightful Sue (Cherie's PA) telephoned me to mention that Cherie, who apparently already does a lot of charity work for those with sight problems, would be happy to help me out.

If that didn't send my head spinning slightly, on being told that rather than meet at her barristers chambers, I should turn up at Number 10 in early October with photo id, my poor noggin almost detached from my shoulders and bored a hole in the ceiling.

Once again I am just so massively indebted to someone, who on this occassion happens to be the wife of our Prime Minister. Who know's, maybe even the big man himself will turn up? (and I don't mean Peter Crouch).

 

Tally

Tonight I decided, possibly belatedly, that it was about time that I created a "Tally" category on this website, just to enable people to see the replies that I have received to date and how my challenge is progressing, with one simple click.

So here it is:

Letters Sent: 478 out of 500

Meetings achieved / set up / date of meeting to be confirmed: Tony Hawks, Jimmy Carr, William Hague, John Motson, John Francome, Jeffrey Archer, John Major, Patrick Moore, Gary Lineker, David Gower, Bill Kenwright, Cherie Blair, Iain Banks, John McCririck, Ann Widdecombe, Tim Rice, Clare Balding, Lisa Rogers, Asad Ahmad, Chris Tarrant, Lorraine Kelly, Mike Leigh, Jonathan Edwards, Nicky Clarke, Lawrence Dallaglio, Nick Ross, Fiona Bruce, Alan Titchmarsh, Fiona Phillips, Jason Queally, Nicholas Parsons, Neil Kinnock, Bob Holness, Joe Pasquale, Derren Brown, Richard Wilson, David Suchet, Ian McKellen, Bruce Oldfield, Jimmy Hill, Carl Fogarty, Andrew Marr, Jonathan Ross, Chris Martin, John Gordon Sinclair, Richard Hammond, Mel Giedroyc, George Galloway, Edith Bowman, Ainsley Harriott, Dermot Murnaghan, Sir Ranulph Fiennes, Tom Baker, Gary Bushell, Toby Anstis, Jamie Theakstone.

Maybes: Cliff Richard, David Dickinson, Andrew Flintoff, Kelly Holmes.

Apologies but won't be possible: Richard Littlejohn, Tony Blair, Michael Owen, Alan Shearer, Johnny Wilkinson, Ken Livingstone, Dom Joly, Chris Morris, Rowan Atkinson, Ricky Gervais, Nick Park, Jonathan Sachs, Arbishop of Canterbury, Dave Gorman, Kate Humble, Frank Skinner, David Baddiel, Mervyn King, Davina McCall, Tony Robinson, Bernard Matthews, Paul Smith, Helen Fielding, Bill Oddie, Geoff Boycott, Hugh Laurie, Jamie Oliver, Robbie Coltrane, Richard Branson, Wayne Rooney, Audley Harrison, John Cleese, Damian Hirst, Ridley Scott, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Alistair McGowan, Tom Jones, Will Self, Thom Yorke.

Apologies but won't be possible, but here's something for your charity auction: Jeremy Clarkson, Charles Kennedy, Bruce Forsyth, Michaela Strachan.

I would just like to point out for the n'th time, that whether or not a meeting is agreed, I am EXTREMELY grateful for any reply that I receive, be it positive OR negative, as it shows that the request in my letter has at least been considered.

I have NO DESIRE to name or shame anyone who does not reply. Everyone on my list undertakes plenty of work for charity and is no doubt very busy. Besides which, I'm sure I've got many of the addresses wrong.

Day 83 - Strange Days (here we come)

The Smiths.

Yesterday was the most surreal one in, oh I don't know, a year.

Firstly Michael, my slothful 'friend', who set me this bet and who has been lying on his sofa almost non-stop for the last four years, actually got a Job! yeah I know.

I have always pitched that old bon mot at him: "Michael you know you should be on stage...........sweeping it", to which his reply is usually two worded and seven lettered. But there is actually a scintilla of irony in saying this to him, as the last time he did actually have a job, it involved him propelling his large carcass and large pieces of scenery, around the stages of various West End Theatres.

Now it seems as though Michael will once again be treading the boards, and hopefully not cracking them, as the Garrick Theatre have offered him a 6 month contract. My faith in humanity has been fully restored with this news that even those with learning difficulties can find employment in theatreland. Let's just hope that they don't ask him to pick up the Garrick litter as he might go looking for a disgraced pop star. Ithankyo

So as we prepared to celebrate this momentous event last night, I was sadly forced to call off our trip to the pub, as my DJ friend James, who did some of the music for Guy Richie's new film Revolver, rang me at the 11th hour (actually it was about 4.45pm), to ask if I wanted to come to the Premier.

Having never been to one I gratefuly  accepted, pondering who I might be able to cross of my list of 500. Guy Richie for a start, maybe some others. I stopped short of wearing my "Greeting the 500" T-shirt as I was told that dress was to be smart. That was a mistake, since when I turned up I noticed that a number of people in our group hadn't really taken this advice literally. Nonetheless we trod the red carpet, to the murmurs of "who are they" and entered the Odean. (see photo. I am freakish looking one on the right)

We watched the, dare I say it, slightly confusing film, and then went to a party in a bar nearby. It was there that I heroically failed to have my photo taken shaking hands with Guy Richie, Dexter Fletcher or Sting, was sworn at by a drunken man as I awaited my mojito, broke my watch strap and bumped into someone that I hated who went to my school.

On the plus side I avoided watching my football team getting humiliated.

I am going to send many letters out to my listees tonight, as I realise I haven't done so for almost a week.