Since I am meeting Lord Archer this afternoon, and since the sun is out and the sky is blue, I have decided to miss work again today. This is probably just as well actually because I woke up this morning barely able to move. Many people buy their mattresses from specialist bed shops or Ikea or Selfridges. Mine cost £25 and was originally on display on the pavement outside a shop on Tottenham High Road, gathering carbon monoxide stains and pigeon waste.
So my fault really and now rush-hour traffic on the M25 is more mobile than I am. I know how Grandmaster Flash feels, what with his broken sacra iliac. On the plus side, however, this morning I noticed that the Crystal Maze is being shown on Challenge TV.
Well enough of my arbitrary ramblings. With a little time on my hands, here is a list of the latest individuals to whom I will be sending my letters and in the process, burst through the 125 mark:
Lorraine Kelly, Dave Gorman (spiritual father it appears), Frank Skinner, David Baddiel, Philip Schofield, Iain Banks, Frank Lampard, Floella Benjamin, Ian Hislop, Chris Eubank, Cherie Blair, Will Carling, Julie Burchill, Assad Ahmed, Digby Jones, Geoff Boycott, Fern Briton, and Darren Campbell.
As promised in a recent post, here are some statistics about my progress before today:
Time elapsed - 1 month 16 days (Not including the 2 weeks of inactivity following the actions of the murdering terrorist scum) - 25%
Letters sent out - 118 - 23.6%
Replies - 17 - 14.4%
Non replies - 101 - 85.6%
Surname initial most likely to reply - M - Sir Patrick Moore, Chris Morris, John Motson
Breakdown of letters sent by gender - Male 95 (80.5%) Female 23 (19.5%)
Breakdown of replies by gender - Male 17/95 (17.9%) Female 0/23 (0%)
Meetings had or arranged - 7 - 6%
Two statistics appear to leap out out. I have receieved not a single reply from anyonr of the fairer sex, so it seems that my legendary way with women continues. I suppose that's not altogether surprising when you consider that the women in question are receiving a random letter from a random man, asking to briefly meet them.
The other statistic to note is that only 6% of those written to, have agreed to meet me. This is obviously some way short of my 20% target. Let's hope that things pick up swiftly, or else I will soon be elbow deep in cow (see forfeits etc).
Finally I would like to thank my good friend and resident X-FM DJ, James Hyman, for putting a link to this website on his website. I shall reciprocate. You can read all about the wonders of modern music and things like 'breakbeats' 'mash up' 'post-progressive ambient trance' and other terms that I don't understand here. (Perhaps he might even let me plug my project on X-FM now?)