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Biography

JULES


Dislikes: Tomatoes, bunker shots, speed bumps, anything that’s orange apart from oranges, finding hair in my food, Frenchmen who love themselves, 4-wheel drives in NW3, plane journeys, stubbing my toe, running up to a man next to my car who says “sorry the ticket’s already been issued”, noticing tubes in my roast beef, American sitcoms, going clothes shopping with anyone female, mouth ulcers, the Northern Line, ironing a shirt, ‘political correctness gone mad’, macaroni cheese, any film starring Andie McDowell, having to hold in flatulence, the music of Chris de Burgh, any dog that’s smaller than a loaf of bread, being told by a robot on the phone to “listen to the following options”, being woken by someone clanking crockery in the kitchen, icy pavements, religious fanatics (and yes I do mean of ANY religion).....


Likes: Sherry trifle, The Crystal Maze, England (or GB or UK) winning at anything, reading in the bath, general knowledge quizzes, the city of Sydney, making a flush with the last card, drunkenly singing “the Fairytale of New York”, memories of watching TV on 13th May 1981, reading the column of Victor Lewis Smith, the murder explanations on Johnathan Creek, being massaged anywhere other than back and shoulders, any film starring Joe Pesci, the sound of the rain, Cutty Sark whiskey, using the word ‘discombobulated’, staring at pictures of Scarlett Johansson, the moment of relief after waking from a particularly vivid nightmare, finally dislodging the apple skin from between my teeth, sneezing, seeing ethnically different people sharing a joke.........



MICHAEL


Likes: Pizza, Sci-fi TV shows, shouting down the phone at people who work for utility companies...


Dislikes: Moving, any food that's green....




Firstly, sorry about the picture. It's blurred. I know. But that's what you get when the expensive digital camera that you don't own happens to be incorporated in your archaic mobile phone that was designed circa 1995.

Anyway, a brief explanation about who I am, who Michael is, and what the bloody hell Greeting the 500 is all about.....

My name is Jules, I live in London which is a big shiny city at the Southern end of a large island. This island is known by the name of England (and Scotland and Wales). London is a city which is inhabited by many people from the four corners of the earth, all who live here in glorious harmony, most of the time. And so the Lord looked at the City that he had made and he smiled and was happy(ish). Anyway I digress.

In my past I have qualified as a solicitor, worked in sports broadcasting and been a cashier in a betting shop. I no longer do any of these things and so Anne Robinson hit the nail squarely on the head in the episode of The Weakest Link that I appeared on, when she said to me "So, you're a failed lawyer, a failed journalist. Julian you ARE the weakest link. Goodbye!"

I now write filmscripts from my bedroom, eat soup out of cans and scratch myself on the settee (although I don't think thats the correct biological term for it).

Michael is, I guess you could say, one of my best friends. He reminds me a great deal of Niccolo Machiavelli. This is not because he is an Italian statesman living in sixteenth century Florence. In fact he is a Greek-Cypriot out-of-work health inspector living in Cricklewood (or Krakow-Wood as we now refer to it due to the recent large influx of our East European bretheren to the area). No, the similarity lies in their somewhat dim view of mankind and human nature, and that my friends lays the foundation of our little project that we have come to know as 'Greeting the 500'.

For a full explanation of rules and to see a list of the 500 I have to meet, see my very first post on this website entitled, bizzarely enough, "Greeting the 500 - The Rules" It is also under the Category "The list of 500" in the left hand column.